A Response to the Tragedy In Newtown, Connecticut
With everyone
in the autism community talking about and discussing the recent events in
This representation in the media has resulted in a large amount of
misinformation about autism. The reality is that, as many people have already
said, this was the action of one person and should not be used to stereotype
autism. And let’s not forget what so many people say: “If you’ve seen one
person with autism, you’ve only seen one person with autism.” We should also
remember that in many cases, people with autism are not the instigators of
crime, but the victims of it.
I am writing this to share my beliefs about violence and the importance of
helping people find ways to express themselves, and how they relate to what has
happened. This should not be taken as an attempt to justify what happened,
however. Rather, I believe the following--although it is important to show our
respect and concern for the shooting, we should also respond properly to it as
well. And we should also be discussing—what went wrong? And what can we learn
from this, even those of us who were not personally involved? That is why I am
writing this.
One of the things that has always been important to me
is not only my identity as a person with autism, but also having a strong
social group. My social group, however, has never been specific to a certain
community. The people that I associate with are parts of many different
communities. It consists of people with and without autism, as well as people
of many other varied disabilities. And there are people in virtually every
community I have met that I get along with, as well as people I do not get
along with. And I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be
perfect, no matter how much wisdom or knowledge I have learned during my life.
This does not upset me, as I have realized that no one in life gets along with
everybody. Aesop himself said in one of his fables that no one can please
everyone, no matter who they are.
But what binds us together are our shared beliefs and
interests. The fact that we have shared value systems, and often can relate to
one other based on those shared beliefs and interests. That regardless of
whatever diagnosis we might have or who we are, we all can give each other
support living in a world with beliefs and rules that we don’t always agree
with. We respect, understand, and acknowledge the reasons for these rules and
norms and the need to follow them in many social situations but we also enjoy
being able to be ourselves when we are together. And overall, we are not bad
people and would never imagine hurting others—we are just different. And we try
to help other people with differences accept themselves either.
Like many others with autism, there are many social rules and societal norms
that frustrate me and upset me. But rather than moaning in despair, what has
helped me get through my frustrations and anger is having a strong support
system of people who share similar beliefs I do, regardless of whether they
have autism—and that we all can support each other. I am not alone in my life,
and take pride that whenever I feel upset about something, there are people who
I can trust to be there to understand me.
Don’t get me wrong—I have a high level of respect for people who try to teach
us social norms and how to function in society. But I am also a firm believer
that people with autism need places where they can be themselves. They need to
be able to find people where they don’t always have to conform to the standards
of neurotypicals. And if they want to be alone, they should be given time to be
alone. And we also need to tell people with autism that not everything that
goes wrong is their fault. That not every social error is their fault, and that no matter how hard they try to learn proper
social skills, they will not be perfect or get along with everyone, no matter
who they are.
I think that one of the reasons why people get upset and become violent is
because they do not feel like people understand them. And because there are
things that they go through that they feel they cannot be open about, whether
it’s because people say it is inappropriate or because they feel like they can’t
be open. They do not feel like anyone out there is listening to them. And as a
traveler, I have met many people like this.
There are many people whom I will meet, sit down with, and let them tell me
their frustrations without judging them, even to the point of letting them tell
me things that others feel that I should not let them tell me. Sometimes I will
encourage them to be open about their problems if they want to, even sometimes
finding a better place or a situation where they can open up. I do this not
because I am trying to be different or upset other people, but because I
believe that there comes a time when people should talk. There is a time when a
person has to be open, and a time when it is best to let a person be open about
their problems rather than silencing them.
I believe that most of us have a need to be open to someone who will listen,
regardless of whatever rules out there exist to tell people they can’t talk
about certain things that might be impacting their lives. I have always
believed that the key to helping people with their problems is giving them a
place to communicate them openly. I have also believed that communication is
the key to understanding, and the best way to prevent a person from becoming
violent.
In Bridge to Terabithia, when the two main characters Jess and Leslie form a
friendship together, Leslie says to Jess, “We need a place. Just
for us.” I believe that if we give places for people to be themselves
alongside teaching them the ways of the world, and places where they can feel
comfortable expressing themselves, we can help prevent people from developing
violent tendencies.